I like this photo of myself. It feels old and classic. I somehow manage to look innocent despite not feeling that way in a long time. It’s 3 years old. I was 19 then, and just as fond of nudity. I was wearing nothing but makeup that night, you can even see the big freckle on my shoulder. I like that face, I always make the prettiest faces when I’m blinded. One day it will be permanent, maybe I’ll be a model then.
I keep mentioning going blind but I haven’t explained why. My doctor found an abnormality in my right eye. She said I may develop glaucoma and I needed more exams and observation. There is no cure for glaucoma. Even surgery can only slow the progression of damage. It isn’t an illness, it’s physical trauma. I could lose just the one eye, or we could discover the other is just lagging behind. I’m worried I’ll lose both because the condition of my eyes so far indicates congenital glaucoma. I’m scared. I don’t want to live in the dark. I still sleep with a nightlight. I’ll go mad in eternal darkness. My only consolation is that I’d rather be blind than deaf. I’m a foreign language major with a music obsession. Besides, the only way to get an annoying song out of my head is to listen to it, then other music. If I got “Friday” stuck in my head it would never leave.